Because I'm incessantly thinking of what to write about.
I’ve been spending the last few days in front of the computer, trying to figure out what to actually write about. Perhaps it was because I had been struggling to accept the reality that we are no longer the students that we were and that we are finally on our own now. Gone were the days when we had to be the carefree and playful persons we used to be. No more classes to wake up for, no more nagging professors, no more tedious requirements to pass. I guess I just miss whatever I had to go through in college. And we do, somehow.
But graduating wasn’t the end-all-be-all to everything that we had to go through. The Board Exam was. It wasn’t just about passing, it was more about challenging yourself to go beyond what you already know; it was about snapping off expectations and understatements.
A teacher once told us, find three persons to whom you’d like to dedicate your Board Exam. The first person, being yourself. And the remaining two could be anyone - a family member, a friend, or a teacher - someone who inspires you and brings the best out in you. The purpose of having to offer your own Board Exam to someone will help you stay focused and motivated. Whenever the winds blow harshly and you couldn’t find any more reason to hold on, you just cling to the idea that you are not only doing the Board Exam for yourself, but also for the people you love.
Preparing for the Board Exam was probably the toughest of what I had to take on so far. I frequently experienced subtle anxiety attacks before going to bed. I kept on having dreams about the lessons we took up earlier in the review. For two straight months, I had been weary. I had my fair share of drama too. I remember crying almost every night when praying. I felt like every day was draining every bit of water left in my system. But I couldn’t or wouldn’t let go. I knew I will have to reap all the fruits of my labor in the end. That was what kept me going. The thought of being granted what you deserve after all is just glorious.
And for the better part, I’d be honest to say that the Board Exam drew me closer to God and made my faith, unbelievably adamantine. Instantly, I was reciting novena prayers over at St. Jude every Thursday of the week. I knew that I was being listened to every time I prayed. I gained my piece of consolation every time I took the liberty to call upon God.
Also, I had to believe that I can conquer the Board Exam. I had to leave my fears and doubts behind and trust not only what I know, but what I feel is right. Entertain only positive thoughts and leave no room for skepticism. That was also something I had to learn.
Fast forward to the days after July 2 and 3. I was relieved by the thought that I was able to get by the Board Exam without feeling sick to my stomach because of too much anxiety. But I also couldn’t get off my mind the level of difficulty I had to endure those two days.
Technically speaking, I found the Board Exam difficult, and mostly tricky. Although, I know I gave my best shot for it, I was also not expecting for a good rating. But God is just great and benevolent. My rating is far more than what I could have imagined for myself.
I know we are all blessed in so many ways that we couldn’t even see how. To Batch 2011, whom I would no longer be calling batchmates, but colleagues from now on - Congratulations! We made it! I know how immensely grateful you all are. And how our parents are all equally proud of us. Let us give back what has been granted to us.
And for those who tried but did not make it, let us not lose hope. Do not let one failure tear you apart. I am sure God has beautiful plans for you too. Let us just be patient. He is not the God who abandons and forsakes. God will reveal all things in time, when He knows you are perfectly ready for it.